The price of independence

Women’s magazines and best-selling authors alike will be fast to suggest many places to snag a man ready to wine and dine you. But I am here to tell you, for some women, the location could not matter less. I am one of those women. I might not have went so far as to have relocated to Boston, which 53.6 percent of the men are unmarried according to the U.S. Census Bureau. But I have positioned myself (sans friends) in all of the hot spots and I still lack my flock of eligible and egalitarian men.

I could have thrown my hands up by now. In fact, if it not for my friends reminding me that it truly is not me, I would have. Looking back at my faulty and seemingly failed relationships of the past, I see that I am not attracting the right kind of guy and not frequently enough attracting any sort of guy. Why? My friends answer, “Because you are intimidating.”

I have zero intentions of warding off men. I display positive and approachable body language. I do not monger with fifteen of my closest (and prettiest) friends and even will initiate conversation when I see a stare settle my way. What is it I’m doing wrong?

After asking a pool of my male friends, I was unanimously told I possess an aura of confidence that includes an unyielding mouth to tell it like it is. Some described it as off-putting at first. But one friend told me I simply exude a strong sense of independence, security in my skin and strength as a woman. Another flat out confessed it is because a guy can tell early on that I am intelligent and not an easy lay. Is my strength and confidence the reason why men do not approach me?

Is a strong and successful woman off-putting to a strong man? Maybe so. Consider celebrity and mega-mogul, Martha Stewart, who ended her 28-year marriage at the height of her professional success. Or consider Oprah Winfrey, who has been with her beau Stedman Graham for 14 years, with no marital bliss avail. What exactly is going on here?

Although I cannot compare my successes to that of Stewart’s or Winfrey’s, I can draw my own conclusion here. If being too strong or too independent and exuding confidence is what keeps the men at bay, I would rather keep it to myself and do things my own way. Man or no man, I will still be here for number one. I know my worth, and maybe they know that too and stay away.

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